Opening Montage: is very similar to the montage you've been seeing on WWE TV these past few weeks, and since I'm on a bit of a tight timeline here, I'll sum it up by saying that there's a cool buildup of the two world title matches, especially the World Heavyweight Championship, with a montage of champions going wayyyyy back and ending with Chris Jericho. "On this night, we shall all bear witness to history. Two championship matches - one night. A night where the mighty will rise, and the meek shall remain....Unforgiven."
And now, Castrol GTX presents WWE UNFORGIVEN!
Missile-like Pyro, "Adreneline", and J.R AND THE KING tell us that were are LIVE in the Staples Center in Los Angeles California! 4 Championship contests! An inter-promotional match! And Stephanie will be involved in some sort of sexual act! BUT WHICH ONE WILL IT BE??
8-man Tag Match
THE UN-AMERICANS (Test, William Regal, Lance Storm, and Christian) vs. BOOKER T, GOLDUST, BUBBA RAY DUDLEY, AND KANE
JR and The KING point out that the LA crowd is a little "fashionably late". The Un-Americans all come out together, while each of the Americans gets their own entrance - now that's just BIAS. Booker's first, then Goldust, then Bubba, and finally, Kane. Once everybody's in the ring, Booker and Goldust are shoving each other (to psyche themselves up, I guess), and it's decided that Goldust will start. Christian will lead off for the Un-Americans. "USA" chant starts up, and we're treated to a great shot of Test shaking his head and looking at the crowd like they're a bunch of idiots. Christian and Goldust lock up, knee by Christian, right, right, right, Irish whip reversed, flying butt pliars! Kick, drop-down slap by 'Dust, cover, 1, 2, no. Knee by Christian, shot to the back, Tag to Storm. Double whip, but Goldust nails them both with a double clothesline and tags Bubba. Both Bubba and Goldust do the three jab maneuvre (Goldust on Christian, Bubba on Storm), both give a "USA" crotch grab (becuase there's nothing more American than GRABBING YOUR CROTCH, apparantly), and two elbows send both men down. Then they charge over and nail Regal and Test. Bubba comes back and gets caught with a jawbreaker by Storm. Elbow, whip into the corner, rights, leg choke with some trash-talkin' to go with it.Whip is reversed by Bubba, Lance's clothesline misses, Bubba hoists Lance up to put him on the top rope....and DROPS HIM BACKWARDS RIGHT ON HIS HEAD. Whoops!! THAT was NOT in the plan. Bubba quickly picks up a stunned Storm and puts him on the turnbuckle properly - Storm still shaking his head - Bubba pulls him down, big chop. And another. Regal comes running over on the apron, Bubba charges, Regal ducks but Bubba catches Christian instead. Regal gets a shot in on the way back, dropping Bubba. Storm whips Bubba, Bubba reversed - flapjack! Cover, 1, 2, no. Bubba tags Goldust. Kick, right, whip reversed, but Christian grabs the leg and pulls Goldust outside and into the barrier, then back into the ring. Storm grabs him, head into the turnbuckle, tag to Test. Test puts Goldust in the other corner, elbow, elbow, elbow, elbow, elbow, elbow, lots and lots of super-intense kicks. Test laughs becuase he knows he RULES! Whip, clothesline MISSES, Goldust's doesn't! Tag to Booker! Test's right is blocked, right by T! Second Test right is blocked, right, right, right, right, whip is reversed, flying forearm! Regal is in and he gets a kick, and Christian gets a shot but Test nails Booker from behind. Whip is stopped - BIG savate kick floors Test! Cover, but Regal breaks it up. Regal is in now (no tag though), and he whips Booker but Booker stops himself on the ropes while Bubba comes in and slams Regal and tells Booker to go up - whassuuuuuuuuuuuup. "Booker, get the tables!!" Bubba and Booker do just that while we get a replay of the Whassup Drop. They've got the table on its side on the apron, the ref distracts Bubba, allowing Storm and Christian to dropkick the table back into Booker. Test is back in now, and Storm throws Booker into him. Head to the rurnbuckle, elbow, elbow, elbow, lots of big, intense rights. Whip to the corner, HUGE clothesline drops Booker! Cover, 1, 2, no. Test tags Regal. Regal with a kick, a couple of STIFF forearms, and a European uppercut drops Booker. Cover, 1, 2, no. Regal appears to set Booker up for a Rock Bottom, b ut overhead-suplexes him again - I THINK that was an overhead Sambo suplex, but I'm not sure. JR goes with "nice slam". Cover, 1, 2, no. Tag to Christian. Kick to the gut, another, a third, reverse chinlock, but that doesn't last long as Booker powers out with elbows and rights, off the ropes, Christian with a knee to the gut. Cover, 1, Goldust saves. Whip to the corner but Booker jumps over Christian coming in and reverses into a rollup, 1, 2, no! Christian right back up, clothesline misses, big spinebuster by Booker! Both men down, crawling to the corners....Christian tags Lace, but Booker tags Kane! Right for Storm! Another! Whip, baaaack body drop! RIght for Regal! Right for Test! Clothesline in the corner for Storm! Clothesline for Regal! Test charges into a sidewalk slam! Storm charges into a tilt-a-whirl slam! Cover, ref doesn't see it, and it's broken up by Regal at 1, and now EVERYBODY's in the ring, and nwo everybody ends up outside except for Kane and Regal - Regal whips Kane bu it's reversed - boot to the face! Test is in, Whitby Boot Of Death MISSES, Kane going for a Tombstone but Test drops behind, kick to the stomach, PUMPHANDLE SLAM ON KANE!!! Test is talkin' da trash after THAT move, but Booker's in, clothesline NO full nelson by Test, going for the Full Nelson slam but Booker breaks it with an elbow, a kick, off the ropes, scissors kick!! Test rolls out! It's that time again - spinnarooni!! And as soon as he finishes, there's Christian with a Slop Drop!! But there's Kane - GOOZLE - Storm hits him from behind - superkick is caught, Storm is spun around - GOOZLE - Christian with an uppernut! And Storm with a superkick! Cover, 1, 2, NO! Big side kick on Storm by Booker! Rights to Christian, side kick NO Christian ducks and Booker is straddled on the top rope, allowing Christian to push him to the outside! Bubba's in, Christian's clothesline misses - Bubba Bomb!! But Regal nails him from behind and THEY go tumbling to the outside! Goldust is back in and he's got Christian in the corner - the legs are hooked....Shattered Dreams!!! Goldust turns around and SWALLOWS A WHITBY BOOT OF DEATH from Test!!! Test is givin' HIM what for, but Kane's on the top - there's a top rope clothesline!! Storm is back in, superkick NO, CHOKESLAM! Kane runs over and nails Regal who was going for the knuckles, then covers Storm, 1, 2, 3!! (10:00) The Americans win!! Bubba pulls out an American flag and waves it around, making people happy.
Meanwhile, Steph talks to somebody backstage. "I need you to pay attention here. When you face Rosie and Jamal tonight.." Oh, it's Billy and Chuck - "..when you BEAT Rosie and Jamal tonight, it's not for me - this is for SmackDown! This is about pride, this is about redemption, this is about.." Billy chimes in "..Makin' sure that you don't have to french-kiss a lesbian later on tonight?" "I'm serious!" Chuck: "Whoa, Steph, please, we're serious too, and we will represent SmackDown right tonight. After we win, even if Bischoff doesn't like it, he WILL kiss your ass." "I like the sound of that!"
Intercontinental Championship Match
CHRIS JERICHO (Champion - Winnipeg Manitoba, Canada - 227 pounds) vs. RIC FLAIR (Champion - Charlotte, NC - 234 pounds)
Champ enters first because he's un-popular with the masses. We're given a couple of reminders on how Jericho has tapped to the Figure 4 in the past, thus assuring us that Flair is worthy contender.
Lockup, Jericho backs Flair up, Flair reverses, Jericho reverses, into the corner, clean break...Jericho shoves Flair, so Flair slaps Jericho RIGHT IN THE FACE! Another lockup, side headlock by Jericho, shot off by Flair, shoulder block by Jericho. Jericho off the ropes, Ric drops down, throws Jericho over the top but Jericho lands on his feet and quickly scampers to the top - he comes off but gets a right to the gut! Chop! Chop! Chop! Whip is reversed, dropkick is caught, Figure 4 NO Jericho pushes Flair to the outside. Jericho puts his head out to follow and gets a right hand. Flair comes up to the apron, and Jericho busts out the springboard dropkick on him! Jericho celebrates in the ring. He drops out to get Flair, right, right, chop, he throws Flair back into the ring. Jericho up top, missile dropkick!! Cover, 1, 2, no! Rights by Jericho, choke on the second rope broken at 4, Jericho off the ropes, knee to the back. Ali Shuffle by Jericho - damn, I love that. More rights, then Jericho slaps Flair in the abdominal stretch! Flair won't give up as JR informs us that Wilbur Snyder was the innovator of this hold - cool. Flair manages to toss Jericho over with a hiptoss. Jericho right is blocked, chop, chop, chop, Jericho with a thumb to the eye, Jericho whips in Flair who goes head over heels onto the apronJericho clothesline misses, Flair's right does not. Big chop! Flair sends Jericho OVER the corner, head-first into the post! Flair follows him outside and whips Jericho into the steps! Chop! Flair tosses him back in. Textbook knee drop to the head of Jericho. Picks him up - snapmare, Flair on the second rope - there's another knee drop to teh back of Jericho's head. Cover, 1, 2, no! In the corner, chops and rights by Flair, whipped to the corner but Jericho jumps onto the second rope, but Flair catches him with a forearm before he can do anything, then delivers a kneebreaker! Figure 4 NO Jericho reverses into a small package, 1, 2, no! Big chop by Flair, whip reversed, elbow drops Flair, Lionsault NO but Jericho lands on his feet - but comes up limp on his left leg. He's on the ground - Flair goes to follow up but Jericho begs off - Flair moves in again, Jericho begs off again. "I heard something pop! I heard something pop! I think I'm hurt!" Flair keeps going to follow up but Jericho keeps begging off....and Flair keeps letting him. Jericho's in the corner, collapsed, the reg is asking Flair not to follow up, and Flair, while wanting to, isn't. Charles Robinson calls for the trainer, but as he does so, Jericho gets RIGHT back to his feet, takes down Flair from behind...Walls Of Jericho!! And Flair TAPS!! The ref, stunned, calls for the bell! (6:16) Wow!! Jericho dances around in celebration, having TOTALLY fooled Flair and everybody else! "You fell for it Flair! You fell for it! I'm smarter than you!" JR states that that is not the Ric Flair he's known in the last 25 years - Jericho just out-smarted the old fox. Here's a replay of the fake injury, the remarkable recovery, and the quick Walls Of Jericho. Jericho continues to remind a despondant Flair that he's smarter.
Backstage, Bischoff is with Rosie and Jamal, who reminds them that they're not just representing Raw, they're representing him. And, to stack the deck, he's brought in a guy who knows Billy and Chuck better than everybody - and that, of course, is Rico. "Don't worry Mr. Bischoff. I know Billy and Chuck inside and out.....so to speak. Rosie and Jamal are 100% prepared to face Billy and Chuck tonight. And then YOU, Mr. Mischoff, can grab some popcorn, a dab of Vaseline, and watch Stephanie perform some hot....lesbian....action." Bisch loves that line....he just said so. Did I mention he stole that line from ME? At least, that's what I'm telling everybody.
Hey, it's SHAQUILLE O'NEAL ringside with his kid, who socks his dad a couple of times in the face for fun!! We're now with MICHAEL COLE and TAZZ, and they're ready to call a couple of SmackDown! matches!
EDDIE GUERRERO (El Paso, Texas, 228 pounds) vs. EDGE (Toronto, Ontario, Canada, 241 pounds)
Sign in the crowd: "EDDIE MOED MY LAWN".....WOW. theree's about a million things I could say about that sign, but I'll settle for this: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Here's Last Thursday when Eddy nailed Edge in the head with a chair. Cole tells us that Edge has a mild concussion from the chair shot. Edge gets right the hell into the ring, and Eddy gets right the hell out. Edge follows but Eddy rolls back in and puts the ref between them, and there's the bell.
Eddy's still outside, and while the ref has Edge distracted, he tries to roll Edge up, 1, no - and Eddy rolls right back outside. Edge follows, Eddy in, Edge in, and Eddy catches him with a series of kicks. Forearm, head to the turnbuckle, whip reversed by Edge, baaaack body drop! Flapjack! Three big rights, forearm. Another forearm, another right, chop, Eddie fires back with a right, head to the turnbuckle and a series of rights. Irish whip reversed - powerslam! Cover, 1, 2, no. Edge with a nice delayed vertical suplex. Another cover, 1, 2, no. Kick to the head, forearm, kick, whip to the corner, Edge charges but eats elbow. Eddie on the second rope - BEAUTIFUL Tornado DDT!! Edge took that pretty damn well - here's a replay - yep, right on the head. Eddie starts to lay in the boots - vertical suplex! Cover, 1, 2, no. Eddie grabs the hair and wrenches the neck with a reverse chinlock. Now he's wrenching Edge's neck while yelling in Spanish. Edge's shoulders are down, 1, 2, Edge's shoulders are up. Edge fires back with knees to the head to break the hold, and both men are slow to their feet. Kick by Eddy - back suplex! Cole and Tazz highlight how Eddy is continuing to work on the 'skull' of Edge. Cover, by Eddy, 1, 2, no. Front facelock by Eddy - Tazz wonders why he doesn't have the other hand clamped in. Tazz RULES. Now Eddy to his feet, clamps what Tazz calls a "version of a cross-face clasp" while the crowd chants "Eddy sucks". MAN, Tazz is awsome. Edge goes for the mullet, but can't break the hold. Edge is starting to fade as Eddy screams some more! Now Edge slowly starts to get to his feet - some shots to the stomach break the hold, Edge off the ropes but catches an elbow immediately from coming off the ropes by Eddy. And now Eddy's jumpin', jivin', talkin' trash, and basically looking like the awesome performer he is. Cocky kicks keep Edge on the ground. Eddy measures - big right floors Edge. Another big right. Eddy taunts Edge to hit him - Edge swings and Eddy dodges, Apollo Creed style!! HAHAAA, that's just f'n GREAT. Another taunt - another dodge! Big right by Eddy! Another! And yet another! Eddy looking cocky - but a sudden right by Edge CONNECTS, and TIMMBERRRR, down goes Eddy!! Ref starts the count, and the crowd helps out - he's at 5, and neither guy is up. Now they're stirring...on their knees - both men up. Edge charges but Eddy dodges and Edge eats turnbuckle! Lots of SUPER-intense rights by Eddy, and some Spanish screaming and chest pounding to boot!! Now Eddy's just steppin' on Edge's face, using the ropes for leverage - ref breaks it at 4. Eddy keeps doing it, breaking the count at around 3 or 4 each time. Eddy backs off as the ref warns him that he was THIS CLOSE to being disqualified. "I'm sorrryyy, okayyyy?" Eddy then points at the ref, and makes the ol' "kiss my ass" pantomime. How can you not love Latino Heat? But while he's doing that, Edge rolls him up from behind 1, no. Edge with a small package 1 2 no! Eddy's big right misses - kick to the gut, neckbreaker!! Tazz points out that Edge is going for quick pinfalls because he's hurting, and Cole sells the fact that Tazz has been there and knows what Edge is thinking. Commentating don't get too much better than that, folks. Both guys on their knees, exchanging rights! Edge gets the upper hand - both guys on their feet - Eddy charges and eats a forearm! And another! Reverse Atomic Drop! Flying jalapeno! Faceplant! Cover, 1, 2, no! Edge whips Eddy to the corner but Eddy leaps over him as Edge comes in - rights and kicks by Eddy - Vertical suplex no - Edge-O-Matic!! 1, 2, no!! That move NEVER works! Now Edge is BITING Eddy - but Eddy nails him with a jawbreaker! Rights by Guerrero, he's got the arm, he runs up to the top rope, poses for our pleasure, jukmps onto Edge's shoulders for the flying leg scissors but eats a sit-out powerbomb!!! Count, 1, 2, NO! Tazz thinks that was Edge's last gasp. Edge whips Eddy in but Eddy hops onto Edge's shoulders and yells - but Edge throws him off face-first into the turnbuckle! Edge setting up for the spear - Edge charges, Eddy sidesteps, and Edge stops himself before eating the second turnbuckle - Right by Eddy misses - kick, Edge-a-cution!! Cover, 1, 2, FOOT ON THE ROPE! Edge is heading to the top - missile dropkick MISSES!! Eddy takes the opportunity to expose the steel behind the turnbuckle - Eddy whips Edge but Edge reverses and Eddy gets some exposed steel to the back! Spear into the corner!! Edge lifts up Eddy and puts him on the top! Edge follows - Edge grabs Eddy's hair and starts trash talkin' but Eddy grabs HIS head and rams it into the exposed steel!! Eddy on top - SUNSET BOMB!! Cover, hook of the thights, 1, 2, 3!!! (11:57) Eddy wins! Eddy collapses to his knees, spent, but victorious. Here's a replay of the sunset flip/powerbomb - and now Eddy's got the cocky look back!
Forcable Entry ad - get it NOW, because it won't be available in 3 years, REALLY!!
Triple H walks by the Raw locker room, smirks, and walks in to find Rob Van Dam stretching with Johnny Stamboli, Tommy Dreamer, Spike Dudley (with neck brace), and a rather unhappy looking Ric Flair in the background. "Well, well, well. If it isn't R..V..D. Look at ya. Right before your World title match, and you're so calm, so cool, so collected?" RVD shurgs. "You know what that says? Says you've got no passion. You've got no desire. And you know what that says to me? It says to me, there is no way that you'll become World Champion tonight." H points at Ric sitting in the background. "See that guy right there? Sitting right there? He used to have that desire. He used to have that burning inside, that craving that made him ruthless, he used to have the disdain for his opponants the made him The Man, that made him the Heavyweight Champion of the World. But not anymore...he doesn't have a damn THING now. And it's appropriate...Zen master...that you would be getting ready for your World title match with a loser like Flair." This causes Flair to rise and stare at H - he walks over but RVD stops him. "Damn Trips, you mean you came all the way down here just to tell me that? Just so you know, I'd rather associate myself with a so-called loser like Ric Flair than an alleged winner like you." H laughs, shoots Flair a look, then leaves.
BILLY AND CHUCK (529 pounds) vs. JAMAL AND ROSIE (with Rico - 725 pounds)
Here's a video package to see how all this came about and the stipulations the loser must go through. Rosie and Jamal (with Rico) come out first, Billy and Chuck second. Billy and Chuck stop, then charge the ring and are wailed on by Jamal and Rosie respectively - Jamal whips Billy, punch blocked, jab, jab, clothesline sends them both over! Chuck with rights to Rosie, Irish whip reversed, back body drop NO Chuck floats over, pushes Rosie towards the ropes to roll him up but eats a kick from Rico from the outside. Big back suplex on Chuck, which nearly folds him in half! Rosie yellin' - Tazz and Cole tell us that Rosie is 6'5", 375 pounds, a four-year letterman at the University of Hawaii on the O-line for the football team, and was also clocked at 4.8 seconds in the 40-yeard dash. Meanwhile, Rosie is laying the big shots on Chuck. Cole calls Rosie and Jamal "equal-opportunity ass-kickers". Rosie rams Chucks head into the turnbuckle and chokes him while Jamal helps out with a couple shots of his own. Tag to Jamal. Rosie holds Chuck, Jamal charges but gets caught with a boot, Chuck breaks free but gets a kick from Jamal, "kiss my ass!" - Field Goal Kick RIGHT IN THE FACE! Jamal does the "wow, that one went far!" pose. Cover, 1, 2, no. Tag to Rosie - Jamal holds so Rosie can nail him - Jamal gets a shot in, and Rosie lays down the boots. Chuck fires back with rights to the gut - NO effect - eye rake by Rosie. Big slam by Rosie - cover, 1, 2, no. There's the old mouth-pull hold. And there it is again. It's all Rosie and Jamal here. Rights to Rosie by Chuck having a little more effect, but a BIG head butt drops him. Tag to Jamal - double-head butt, elbow by Jamal, cover, 1, 2, no! Big rights to the head while crowd chants "Rico's gay!" Jamal knocks down Billy, making him enter the ring and get caught by the ref while they lay a double-team on Chuck. Rosie grabs Chuck's hand, holds it toward Billy, and says "want a tag?" HAA! Big shot to the ribs. There's a shot of Billy, looking concerned, holding the newly-returned tag ropes (dont' tell CRZ they're back, though - I think he already knows). Big slam by Rosie - shot for Chuck sends him down - and Rosie's up on the second turnbuckle - what's he gonna do?? HOLY SHIT, MOONSAULT!! But it MISSES!! Damn! Billy reeeeally wants the tag..Rosie crawls toward Jamal - both men MAKE THE TAG! Right by Billy, another one drops Jamal! Kick to Rosie, right for Jamal! Big dropkick to Rosie! Rico up on the apron, Billy charges but Rico drops down and avoids him, clothesline turns Jamal INSIDE OUT!! Billy's got both men now - double-knocker-knocker, NO SALE!!! Double headbutt drops Billy! Jamal throws his headband on the prone form of Billy while Rosie nails Chuck. Jamal is heading for the top! Ready for the splash but Chuck runs in and slams him off the top! Billy up, Rosie's right misses, One And Only NO Rosie breaks it with an elbow - Full Nelson Flapjack!! Rosie yellin' at Billy, but Chuck's right behind him - superkick FLOORS Rosie!! Now Chuck yells, but it's Jamal's turn to superkick Chuck! "Let's do it!!" yells Jamal! Setting him up - Throw n' Catch Samoan Drop NO FAMOUSER!!! What a reversal! Rico's in - his right is blocked! He's in trouble now - crowd roars approval - HUGE clothesline takes Rico down, and Billy tosses Rico out! But Rosie catches him from behind and whips him into Jamal - Throw n' Catch Samoan Drop HITS! Cover, 1, 2, 3!! (6:37) Jamal and Rosie win, and Steph has to perform HLA! Rosie and Jamal celebrate with Rico.
Backstage, Easy E is a happy boy!! And he's got THREE HOT LESBIANS standing beside him as Eric hypes the upcoming HLA. Coach asks him if he's decided which one it will be - Eric asks them which one wants to, and they all say "MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME" - Eric makes them chant HLA. Eric loves this town. It's about about Eric...I mean, ME.
Meanwhile, The King is also chanting HLA . JR can't believe what's going to happen - I'm a little surprised myself, but she'll get out of it somehow, don't you worry.
Match for the Heavyweight Championship Of The World
TRIPLE H (Champion - Grennwich, CT - 272 pounds) vs. ROB VAN DAM (Challenger - Battle Creek, Michigan - 235 pounds)
Here's a video package of how we got to this point. Challenger enters first because tradition? Yeahhh, THAT'S the stuff. Triple H reminds Ross of a combination between Jack Brisco and Harley Race, which holds relevance for about six people, but is cool none the less. Y'know I really do like that belt - and I really like the fact they're calling it the "World Heavyweight Championship" because it makes it seem like it's even more important than the 'meager' WWE Title. However, I still wish there was a Raw champ, a SmackDown champ, and and overall champ....maybe later. Let's get it on!
RVD jumps up and down, looking relaxed. Lockup, side headlock takedown by RVD. H counters with a leg scissors, RVD breaks it, both men to their feet (RVD kips up), RVD make a motion to grab H's head then backs off, saying "whoa!" H looks intense. RVD looks relaxed. Another lockup, another side headlock takedown, H with the leg scissors - RVD breaks, both men up, RVD with ANOTHER side headlock takedown, ANOTHER leg scissors, ANOTHER break, both men up and RVD kicks the air to show how ggreat he is. Crowd likes that. RVD makes the "Hey...what can I say, I'm good!" motion with his arms and jumps up and down. RVD raises his arms, to a slightly mixed reaction. Lockup, headlock by RVD, but H hauls him down by the hair. RVD complains about that and Hebner warns him. Another lockup, H with a hammerlock, RVD reverses, side headlock and ANOTHER takedown, H rolls RVD onto his his shoulders, 1, 2, RVD is up - on his feet, H pushes RVD into the ropes forcing the break.They slowwwwwly do, and H shoves RVD - so RVD slaps H and starts dancin' again! H ain't happy about THAT. RVD shrugs as if to say "what'd you expect?" Lockup NO kick to the gut by H, right drops RVD. Another right. Irish whip reversed, shoulder block by H, H off the ropes, RVD does the splits, leapfrog but H doesn't buy it, and NOW H charges - right into an arm drag! And ANOTHER side headlock takedown!! H's shoulders are down, 1, 2, no! RVD's still got the headlock on, and Ross points out how this is a departure from the normal RVD stle. H makes it to the ropes, which forces the break at 4. H drops to the outside to regroup a bit. RVD walks over to the corner and motions for something - somebody throws him a bottle of water. RVD takes the opportunity to demonstrate HIS watter-spitting abilities, much to the delight of the crowd, and myself. WELL, H sure as hell didn't like THAT - he's in the ring, he charges - into an arm drag! AND ANOTHER side headlock takedown, shoulders down, 1, 2, H is up! This little psychology chess game is ruling my world. H is up but RVD still has the headlock on - H backs him into the corner - the break but H knees RVD in thte gut - and theres another and RVD yells like he just puked up his lungs. Big right by H. Whip to the corner but Rvdgrabs the top, goes over H and twists into a rollup - 1 2 no! HHH with a double leg hold but RVD rolls H forward so he's lying on top of him - 1, 2, RVD bridges out - into a backslide but H is too strong - he flips RVD over his head - RVD's kick is caught - enziguri ducked but RVD lands on his foot - he breaks free and a quick foot sweep to the back of H's legs takes him down! Quick cover, 1, 2, no! RVD with YET ANOTHER side headlock takedown, shoulders are town, 1, 2, no! "YEAH!" yells Van Dam! RVD's got that headlock cinched in - H slowly gets to his feet - RVD ain't letting go. back suplex atempt but H but RVD lands on his feet - right misses - spinning heel kick! H slides to the outsdie - H is slowly getting up, RVD off the ropes - NO-HANDS SOMERSAULT PLANCHA - AND H SIMPLY STEPS OUT OF THE WAY. Why hasn't anybody thought of THAT before?? That's BRILLIANT! H is VERY QUICKLY back in the ring and tells Hebner to stat couting! The count gets all the way to 9 and RVD is on the apron - and probably couldv'e been counted out but Hebner gives him a break - at any rate, H is over to lay in some kicks. Here's a replay of the plancha which H simply stepped out of the way of. H rams RVD's head into the paron - and there's an elbow. Now they're outside - BIG whip into the steps! H rols back in. Now he rolls back out to collect RVD and throw him back in. Cover, 1, 2, no. Mounted punches by H broken by Hebner at 4. Now H has RVD propped between the first and second ropes - and catapults him neck-first into the second rope! RVD sells the throat Steamboat-style! Quick cover, by H, 1, 2, no! Vertical suplex by H NO RVD drops down and rolls H up, 1, 2, no! RVD's right misses - neckbreaker by H! Cover, 1, 2, no! H yanks up RVD by the hair and throws him to the outside. Ross hopes Lawler retrains himself during the HLA, and I'm sure the rest of us too. H tries to ram H's head into the English Announce table but RVD blocks and reverses! And another head ram by RD! H quickly rolls into the ring - RVD is holding his back. RVD with a right, right, right, forearm, whip is reversed, clothesline misses - high knee! Cover, 1, 2, no! Now H - heads to the top? Here's a replay of the high knee! Meanwhile, H is mocking RVD on the top, but RVD gets up and runs over for a springboard kick to H's chest! And there's a slam off the top! Forearms by RVD, whip is reversed, sleeper!! Ross points out how H has been perfecting this move...RVD seems to be fading fast. Ross points out that RVD's head is being crimped, held at a 45-degree angle to stop the flow of blood - good stuff. RVD manages to get to his feet and whips H off him into the turnbuckle! H in the corner - RVD charges but H dodges and hits the turnbuckle - H off the ropes but a spinning heel kick drops him! Both men slowly to their feet. Right by H - forearm by RVD, H, RVD, RVD, RVD, whip is reversed, RVD flips over the back body drop - catches H kick - step-over heel kick! H quickly on his feet, right misses - another spinning kick! RVD off the ropes - cartwheel senton! 1, 2, NO! Forearms by RVD, whip to the corner, somersault, monkey flip out of the corner! H is in the other corner - shoulder block, another, backflip, H's right misses - springboard kick by RVD! Rolling Thunder!! Cover, 1, 2, NO! H rolls ouf of the ring, but RVD launches himself over the top and onto H! Some rights, RVD throws H back in! RVD heading to the top - Big Side Kick! RVD rolls both legs up, 1, 2, NO! Kicks by RVD, whip, back body drop NO facebuster! H off the ropes - RVD leapfrogs and H smokes Hebner! RVD takes the opportunity and nails H with a spinning heel kick! Cover - there's no ref! RVD yelling at him but Hebner isn't moving. H by H, Pedigree NO takedown by RVD - catapult into the corner!! RVD going up top! 5 STAR HITS!! Cover - still no ref!! Hebner hasn't moved! Van Dam is on the outside now trying to wake up Hebner - than he's back insdie, allowing H to sneak up from hbehind - there's a low blow! RVD holding his crotch, H is looking for somethign under the ring - and finds the sledgehammer! - he gets inthe rringVan Sledginator!! Both men down! Waitaminute, here comes RIC FLAIR into the ring - he's got the sledge! He's gonna nail H! "WOO!" H has a scared look and begs for mercy - Flair casts a sneaky look behind him then NAILS RVD WITH THE SLEDGE right in the ribs! RVD is spazzing like a dying fish on the canvas! H is SHOCKED!! Flair is smiling! H grabs RVD - PEDIGREE! Flair goes and gets the ref and rolls him in - there's the cover, 1..............2...............3. (18:21) Champion retains. Flair grabs the belt and gives it to H - then shakes his hand, much to H's delightFlair raises H's hand - they shake hands and embrace. Here's a replay of the ref bump, Flair's sledge shot, and the Pedigree. Flair and H leave together.
Backstage, D'LO BROWN and BILLY KIDMAN watch the going's on. , when they're interrupted by - VICTOR F'N NEWMAN!! - who says in the sultry voice that has seduced sooo many women "...That's why they say 'keep your friends close, and your enemies even closer'." D'lo is impressed and introduces himself and Billy. D'lo states that Newman's character is the most manipulative, conniving, vindictive man on TV and he loves it, but D'Lo's gotta know one thing - is Victor getting any 'off-screen'? "Let me tell your a secret....I can't talk about it. I've been a married man for many, many years." "Damn!" Billy: "So what are you doing here tonight?" Victor raises an eyebrow, and DAWN MARIE enters the picture - "He's with me." and Dawn gives him a little kissy-kissy. "Excuse me, gentleman", and they take their leave. D'Lo: "Some guys got all the luck." D'Lo - dude - he's VICTOR F'N NEWMAN. Chances are, he's already nailed your wife, your mother, and your sister TWICE.
WWE Women's Championship
TRISH STRATUS (Challenger - Toronto, Ontario) vs. MOLLY HOLLY (Champion - no hometown announced)
WOW, I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE THIS MATCH WHICH HAS NO BUILDUP LETS GO GO GO GO GO GO GOGOGOGOGOGO!
Lockup, Trish goes behind into a full nelson, Molly reverses no Trish has an armbar, but Molly throws her down by the hair. Molly with an armbar, Trish kips up(!!), reverses into a hammerlock. Molly with a fireman's takedown, cover, 1, 2, Trish counters, 1, 2, no. They back up, and lock up again, arm drag by Trish. Women's (I mean, Japanese) arm drag by Trish. Neckbreaker! Cover, 1, 2, no. Trish picks her up but Molly floors her with a right. Whip to the corner, Molly charges but eats two boots. Trish's elbow TOTALLY misses and Molly takes advantage with some kicks and a nice snap suplex. Cover, 1, 2, no. Hairpull takedown to the canvas by Molly - then she tosses Trish to the outside. And Holly SMOKES Trish's face into the steps! There's a whip into the barrier, and Trish bounces off at least 3 WWE staff on the way to the floor. Trish fires back with rights, Molly with a knee and a a hairpull takedown which didn't seem to go right. Here's a replay of the big shot into the steps. Back in the ring now - Molly's got the cross-arms choke hold on her - now heshe back her into the knees - now in the Boston Crab position - now back to the knee-in-the-back position, and Trish is fading...but she gets to her feet, powers out, and flips Molly off! Molly comes right back with a dropkick to the temple, and some words for the crowd. Set up for the vertical suplex NO rollup by Trish 1 2 NO! Molly's right misses - Trish with a waistlock into a rollup, 1, 2, no! Trish charges but takes a drop-toe-hold into the bottom rope. Molly picks Trish up, whip to the corner - sidewalk slam NO Trish flips all the way around - bulldog!! Cover, 1, 2, NO! Trish's clothesline misses - forearm, forearm, whip, clothesline misses - Chick Kick! Cover, 1, 2, no! Forearm by Trish, whip to the corner, Trish charges but eats too boots - Molly to the top but Trish hits the ropes and knock her down to the top, handstand leg scissors NO Molly grabs a leg and hooks it behind the third turnbuckle, then stretches her arms back! Trish caught in the Tree Of Woe - handspring elbow! Cover, 1, 2, NO! Kicks by Molly, whip, Trish into the wheelbarrow - then comes all the way back up for a DDT Rey-Rey style!! WOW! Cover, 1, 2, 3!! (5:49) We have a NEW Women's Champion!! And that was a pretty excellent match - imagine how good it would've been with a story behind it! The "Maple Leaf Beauty" is the champ again! Here's a replay of the most-excellent ending. The Coach is with Trish ringside! "You're once again Women's champion, it's gotta be great." "I go into that ring...every night for moments like this...I love this moment...I love this (tapping the belt)..and I love this!! (points at the crowd)!" She is HAPPY! And she's CANADIAN! YAY!
WWE No Mercy ad - "Hi, Pete" HAHAHAHA Pete Rose is awesome.
Backstage, Rose, Jamal, and Rico(?) are partying with A WHOLE LOTTA LESBIANS. Bisch is happy and tells them to go have a good night on the town! "This is Hollywood - you need anything in this town, you use my name." Bischoff neglects to tell them that only works at strip bars, but what ever. They head off, but Bisch stops two of them. "Why don't you stay right here and help me with a little...HLA with Stephanie McMachon." "Okay."
Tazz: "Well, anything can happen in LA - Rico with a bunch of tomatoes." They hype Benoit/Angle, 'cause it's NEXT!
CHRIS BENOIT (Edmonton, Alberta, Canada - 237 pounds) vs. KURT ANGLE (Pittsburgh, PA - 229 pounds)
Cole cannot wait for this matchup, and neither can I. If this isn't good, I'll eat my keyboard. There's the bell, let's go!
Circle, lockup, Angle backs up Benoit, Benoit reverses, now Angle, now Benoit, now Angle, Benoit, Angle, and they go flying through the ropes and to the floor! They're both quickly up, a quick stare, then lthey're both quickly back in the ring. Ref seperates them (why??), then lets them go. Lockup, Angle with a go-behind, takedown into a front facelock no Benoit reverses but Angle gets behind him again - Benoit rolling around but Kurt's riding him Benoit shoulder down, 1, Benoit rolls around but Angle's still on his back, Benoit tries to slip out but Angle is able to stay on top of him - Benoit on his back now Angle STILL on him Benoit grabs the arm going for the CROSSFACE HE'S GOT IT but Angle's right at the ropes and grabs it! Staredown, and the crowd cheers the technical display they're witnessing, God love 'em. Sizing each other up now - Angle with a SUPER-quick takedown at the feet with his arms, staying on top of him now Benoit's on his back Kurts riding him again, Benoit rolls but can't get free ANKLELOCK but Benoit's got the rope. And if you're wondering about the lack of puncuation so far, it's because these guys are moving so fast, there's no TIME for puncuation! Benoit stares - Angle looks confident. Sizing each other up again, lockup, quick wristlock by Benoit, reversed into a hammerlock by Angle, Benoit snaps him over but Angle hangs on! Benoit somersaults and reverses but Angle immediately reverses back, side headlock, Benoit shots him off, shoulderblock by Angle. Angle off the ropes, Benoit drops underneath, Benoit hiptoss blocked, so Benoit tries to hook the arm for the Crossface but Angle rolls out and picks up Benoit, puts him on his shoulders in a fireman's carry but Benoit slips down and rolls Kurt up 1 2 NO, Angle rolls backward, then comes forward and rolls up Benoit, 1, 2, Benoit pushes Angle's head down and rolls him up, one two, Angle rolls forward pinning Benoit, 1, 2, Benoit counters 1, Angle rolls forward and pins Benoit with his back, 1, 2, COULD HAVE been 3 but the ref says his shoulders weren't down (even though they were), Benoit bridges out, going for the backslide but Angle breaks itAngle with a left NO CROSSFACE JUST LIKE THAT! Hasn't quite got it locked in, and Angle gets to the ropes and rolls outside for a breather. Crowd CHEERS, and Tazz and Cole play it up like champs. Angle's back in...circle, lockup, facelock by Angle reversed by Benoit into an armbar, wrenching the arm a bit but Angle slips underneath, Benoit not letting go, Angle gets leverage and just TOSSES Benoit out of the ring! Angle shakes his arm, Angle out to follow up. Elbows to the back of Benoit's neck. Angle picks up Benoit and drops him on the barrier. Angle rolls Benoit back in, and is laying the boots to 'em. Scoop, backbreaker by Angle - cover, 1, 2, no! Cocky kicks by Angle - not Angle sits behind Benoit and hooks in the leg grapevine/bearhug - same move he had on Rey Rey a while back. Benoit trying to pull off Angle's foot, managing to get one loose but not the other, Benoit pushing Angle's ankle into his own leg, causing Angle to break. Kick by Benoit, whip reversed, kitchen sink by Angle! Head to the turnbuckle, right, right, kick, shoulder block, a second, a third - Angle working on Benoit's ribs. WHip to the corner, Angle charges but Benoit dodges and Angle's shoulder hits the post! Kick by Benoit, and he rams Angle's shoulder into the other post! Picks Angle up - back suplex! Cover, 1, 2, no! Big arm wrench, working on the arm and shoulder. BIG short clothesline by Benoit. Knee, knee, knee, short clothesline NO Angle goes behind, Benoit's elbow misses, front waistlock, Benoit with knees to the gut to avoid the belly-to-belly, Angle with a knee of his own, another, belly-to-belly overhead suplex!! Both men down - ref starting the count - he gets to 6 before Benoit starts to stir - both men up at 8. Angle clothesline misses - German Suplex! Holding on for a SECOND! Third NO blocked by Angle, elbow, elbow, go-behind, German by Angle!! A SECOND by Angle! Thurd NO Benoit bblocks, elbow, elbow, go-behind, German by Benoit! Benoit holds on but Angle breaks, goes behind, another German from Angle!! Angle holding on, a SECOND German! AND A THIRD! Crowd CHEERS AGAIN! DOWN COME THE STRAPS! Angle measuring, kick to the sstomach AnGLE SLAM NO Benoit lands on his feet, Angle clothesline misses, German by Benoit AND ANGLE GOES ALL THE WAY AROUND!!!! That elicits a "Holy Shit" chant. Benoit is up first - here's a replay of the CRAZY German. Benoit heading to the top but Angle SPRINTS the ropes - SUPER BELLY TO BELLY! Angle crawls over for the cover - 1, 2, NO! Angle's up first but Benoit with a double-leg takedown, then rolls over him for the bridge-pin, 1, 2, Angle reverses, goes behind, ANKLELOCK OUT OF NOWHERE! Benoit rolls to his back, and delivers three kicks to Angle's head that breaks the hold! Scoop by Benoit NO Angle hands on and scoops up Benoit for a PILEDRIVER NO BENOIT REVERSES - SHOULDERBREAKER! Benoit makes the throat slash!!! He's goin' to the top - FLYING HEADBUTT CONNECTS!!! But Benoit can't capitalize! Not he rolls up both legs, 1, 2, NO!! CROSSFACE!!! And he's right in the middle of the ring! Angle's hand is up....but he's not tapping! He GRABS BENOIT'S FOOT - ANKLELOCK AND CROSSFACE ON AT THE SAME TIME - now Angle breaks free ANKLELOCK!!! Benoit rolls over him - CROSSFACE!!! Angle's arm is up again but he rolss over Benoit - ANKLELOCK!!!! Benoit trying to get to the ropes...Benoit's hand is up! Angle cinches it in but Benoit gets to the ropes, but Angle pulls him off - CROSSFACE BY ANGLE!!! Benoit trying to get to the ropes! He's reachingg....can't quite get there - looks like he's there, ANGLE STRETCHES THE ROPE AWAY WITH HIS FOOT!! Benoit BREAKS, back-somersaults over Kurt, he's on top of him for a pin BENOIT'S FEET ARE ON THE ROPES 1, 2, 3!!!!!!! (13:58) Benoit CHEATS TO WIN! Angle is MAD! He's jumping up and down! Benoit is smiling!! Here's a replay of the break of the Crossface, the float-over, and the pin with the feet on the ropes. Angle looks like he's crying, which seems to indicate a re-match is in order, and I am in 10,000% agreement.
Cole and Tazz shill ticket sales for No Mercy at Alltel Arena! Kevin Nash will be there!
Mark Lloyd is backstage with Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar and they re-iterate that this match is personal, personal, personal, personal, personal. Brock's not sorry for what he did to Taker's wife, and he won't be sorry for what he does to Taker tonight. Becaue when you have no remorse, you have no problem being...UNFORGIVEN! WOW, lookit Brock bein' all clever!
ERIC BISCHOFF is out with TWO LESBIANS - Jerry's understandably yes annoyingly excited. Eric's got the mic "Oh, do I love you people! And y'know, I guess it's pretty much understood that LA has always stood for Los Angeles, but not tonight! tonight, LA stands for Lesbian Action..as a matter of fact, it stands for Hot Lesbian Action! And y'know what, I've interviewed hundreds of lesbians from all over LA and it's come down to my two special friends here - say hello to PEACHES...and CREAM. But ladies lets face it, I mean you're here for one reason and one reason only, and that's to provide some HLA so why don't we give them a sneak preview of what they're in for!" Peaches and Cream proceed to do a little light strokin', and they're about to lock lips when "ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah.....I've changed my mind." Lawler doesn't like THAT. "You see the only Hot Lesbian Action that's going to take place here tonight is goingn to take place involving the losing manager of the losing team - losing GENERAL manager - that's right, ladies and gentlemen, I, Eric Bischoff present to you, STEPHANIE McMAHON!" ...and out she comes, not looking to thrilled. Peaches looks pretty excited, actually. "Ohhh, Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie, y'know I've been thinking about this moment for a long time and by the way, the reason I have two lesbians with me tonight - I dunno, the FRench have a term for it, I don't know if you've ever heard of it...menage a trois? See I never said wee were going to have one-on-one HLA so we're going to have ourselves...a little threeeway. So ladies, why don't we start the festivities by losing some of that restrictive clothing." The lesbians dutifully and sexily remove their tops, and Peaches breasts are ALMOST as big as Steph's....ok, ok, ok, tey're not even close. "And y'know, I think perhaps you should help Miss McMahon with her jacket!" They help Steph off with her jacket - Steph just stands there, and if you truly wanted to see how INSANELY MEGA-GARGANTUAN Steph's implants are, so find a screenshot of this moment. "Well she's looking a little tense, perhaps a...backrub might help her out a little bit. Cream smiles while rubbing one shoulder, and Peaches looks like she's absolutely ready to have a box lunch as she rubs the other. "Ohh, no no no, we need to loosen her up! How about a full....body massage?"JR says Bischoff is pushing the envelope, just like I'm pushing the envelope of my pants right now! Peaches strokes the back, Cream strokes the front (her legs, that is) - up and down they go. "Ah hell with the foreplay, lets get serious! HLA! HLA! HLA!" Cream is about to kiss her, and Peaches is about to do a little neck nibblin', and I'm about to go to the washroom for a minute or two when "Ahhhhhhhhh ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah, not so fast....I've changed my mind. Ladies...you're excused." Peaches and Cream make their way out, and Steph tries to as well, but..."oh oh..but not you Stephanie, not so fast! Oh no, you're not out of the woods yet. You see, I wanted this to be the most humiliating experience of your life. Which is why I worked SO hard to find the...ugliest...fattest...most physically replusive lesbo I could find!" Lawler: "Not Rosie!" Rosie's a lesbian? Oh, THAT Rosie. "Oh yeah! You said on SmackDown that you may enjoy this? Well we're gonna put that theory to Test. Let's bring her out now, let's bring out that lezbo that was begging for HLA with Stephanie McMahon." Out comes a big, black, apparant-woman. Bisch is laughinga whole lot - Steph ain't. JR is stunned. Lawler wants to know if she's French. "Stephanie, need HILDEGARD - Hildegard, meet Stephianie. ANd by the way Steph - she's not just a lezbo - she's done prison time.She's used to this sort of thing." Steph makes epulsive faces while Hildegard strokes her own breasts. "You see if there's ANYBODY that's going to enjoy this moment, it's going to be ME - and of course, Hildegard. So Hil-dee, why don't you lay some H-L-A on Stephanie McMahon." Hildegard grabs her breasts again - Steph looks like - Then she grabs Hide for a figure-four liplock! They're all over each other! "WHAT THE HELL?" Hildegard turns - and delivers a savate kick NOWHERE NEAR the vicinity of Bisch's face! Off comes the makeup - it's RIKISHI! Steph is jumping up and down - There's a big backward splash in the corner for Eric! Off comes the blouse! There's the turn - raise the roof - up comes the skirt, revealing the big butt - Steph helps Rikishi with his wedgie - and there's the Stinkface for Bischoff. Steph loves every second of it. Play Rikishi's music and Steph and Rikishi get down and boogie.Bisch leaves - more dancing - I think it's time to move on. Here's a replay of the savate kick from a slightly better angle, but you can still tell it wasn't even close. Another replay of the Stinkface, oh goodie goodie gumdrops.
Tazz and Cole give each other other congrats as they laugh their heads off and remind us that Castrol GTX presents Unforgiven!
WWE Championship Match
BROCK LESNAR (Champion - w/ Paul Heyman - Minneapolis, Minnesota - 295 pounds) vs. THE UNDERTAKER (Houston Texas, 305 pounds)
The Undertaker is out first, because that's how it's supposed to be. Taker has gone back to the first version of his new theme, but it now has lyrics. So much for his NEW music we heard on SmackDown. BOTH guys do a happy dance as they prepare for what's about to happen. Cole calls it "The Grappler versus The Striker". Brock THROWS his belt to the ref - he shows Taker the belt, he holds it up, there's the bell - lets go!
Brock walks RIGHT OVER and goes nose to nose with Taker and talks some trash - Taker shoves Lesnar back! Circle, Brock tries for the amateur-style takedown but misses, Taker comes forward with a jab but Brock backs off into the corner. Brock wants a warning about the closed fist and gets it. Lockup, no real advantage - Then Lesnar pushes Taker back and dances a bit. Another circle - lockup, Brock pushes Taker back again! Brock smiles! Another circle, another lockup, Taker shoves Brock off so hard that Lesnar back-somersaults right out of the ring!! Lesnar is PISSED, and he rolls in and goes RIGHT back to Taker - lockup, side headlock by Lesnar. Taker shoots him off - shoulderblock by Taker! Brock off the ropes, hiptoss by Taker! And a clothesline takes Brock over the top! Brock is MAD, and he DESTROYS the steel steps to show it! Here's a replay of Brock being shoved out of the ring. Brock takes his time, and gets back in the ring. Lockup, knee to the gut by Lesnar, right, right, hammerlock, Taker reverses with an arm drag(!). Arm bar by Taker, shoulder block, another, knee by Lesnar. Shot to teh back, kick, shoulder block, shoulder block, whip to the corner. Borck charges but eats boot - off the ropes - Brock clothesline misses, Flying Clothesline by taker! Cover, 1, 2, no! Armbar by Taker - up to the top....old skool!!! Taker rams Brock head-first into the corner - whip to the other corner - Heyman's up on the apron complaining, and eats a big boot from Taker for his trouble. Brock charges - shoulder block into the corner! There's a nother! BIG vertical suplex! Cover, 1, 2, no. Kick to the ribs by Brock - right, right, Brock hooks the arm around the ropes and delivers kicks to the ribs. Blatent choke, right to the ribs, kick, Borck drops outside, grabs taker's arm and leg, and rams his ribs into the steel post! Brock pushes him back into the middle of the ring, slides in, cover, 1, 2, no. Another right to the ribs. Shoulder block, another. Big rght by Taker - another, 3, 4, 5, kick. Whip by Taker is reversed - POWERSLAM by Brock!! Cover, 1, 2, no! Kick to the ribs by Brock. Right hand, bearhug! Taker drops down and takes Lesnar down but Lesnar doesn't let go! Brock turns Taker onto his shoulders - 1, 2, Taker gets his shoulders up - Brock's still got the bearhug on - now Taker breaks it with a big series of rights - off the ropes, knee to the gut, takedown, Brock slaps the bearhug back on while on the canvas! Brock puts Taker's shoulders on the mat, 1, 2, no - Taker on his feet, trying to break the bearhug - Brock takes him down again! Now Undertaker is FRUSTRATED and he stands right up trying to shake off Brock, but he can't do it! Taker's on his feet again - and swings arond, sending lesnar tumbling to the outside! Lesnar back in, right misses, right to tehribs by Taker - there's a series of them! Big right sends Brock outside again! Taker follows Brock outside - kick by Brock, right by Taker. Taker throws Borck into the timekeeper and the barriccade. Heyman distracts Taker for a moment, Taker turns around and WHAC - belt shot by Lesnar!! Brock rolls back in to break the count, then rolls back out! Taker must be cut because the fans in the front row all go "Awwww!", right by Brock, and yep, Taker's busted open. Another right by Brock. Taker rolls inside. Cover by brock with the forearm in Taker's face, 1, 2, no. Brock with lots of rights to the head. Kick to the face by Brock! Right, right, Lesnar grinding his fist into Taker's bloody face! Taker fires back with rights! The rights back brock up to the corner - whip to the corner, BIG clothesline! Another whip, another clothesline! Signal for the Chokeslam - GOOZLE - Brock lands some elbows, off the ropes - big boot from Taker! Cover, 1, 2, NO! Another whip to the corner, scoop by Taker, Snake Eyes! Another Big Bot (STOP STEALING TEST'S MOVE!), cover, 1, 2, no! Rights by Takerhead into the turnbuckle - right, whip to the corner is turned around so Taker whips him back to the corner - right into the ref! GOOZLE - CHOKESLAM! Cover, no ref!! Wait, here comes MATT HARDY, who is clotheslined immediately, and there's a Last Ride to boot! But this allows Brock to recover - spinebuster on Taker!! Cover, 1......2......NO! Brock can't believ it! Neither can Paul! Right by Brock, another, shot to the back, another to the head, whip back body drop NO DDT by Taker! Cover, 1, 2, no! Taker makes the throat slash! Scoop - Tombstone NO Lesnar drops behind and shoves Taker - into the ref AGAIN!! Clothesline by Taker! Heyman's got a chair, and he throws it to Lesnar! Lesnar's got it, he's up, Taker's up....chair shot NO big boot drops Brock! And now Taker has the chair!! And he ABSOLUTELY DESTROYS LESNAR WITH A CHAIRSHOT TO THE HEAD! The chair is bent to hell! A second shot sends Brock outside!! Here's a replay - hooooly shit, Brock RULES for taking that - no hands up or nothin', just WHAM - RIGHT IN THE FACE. Taker drops outside and hammers Heyman over the barrier for good measure. Lesnar's still down - Taker's in the ring waiting for him. Here's a replay of the second shot, which wasn't nearly as impressive a tthe first, but that's good - if it had been, Brock would be DEAD. Taker goes out and throws Brock back in, and Brock's busted open!! Big right by Taker - "Get up!" Another right, whip, ANOTHER big boot! LEGDROP! Cover, 1, 2, NO!!! Taker looks...disappointed. Signal for the Last Ride! He's in position - but Lesnar back body drops him! kick to the gut - FUJITA 5 NO Taker lands on his feet, right by Taker, Brock charges Taker back into the corner, shoulder block, shoulder block, rights by Taker, they're exchanging blows and Brian Hebner is trying to get between them - Taker pushes him out of the way and ;ays in with the rights - Hebner gets btween them again - Brock picks up Hebner and puts him in the corner and tells him to stay there - but Taker shoves Brock back into Hebner and he's down AGAIN! Lefts and rights from Taker - Lesnar takes Taker down, the ref...CALLS FOR THE BELL?!?!? (Double DQ? 20:20) The crowd boos THAT decision in a BIG, BIG way! Meanwhile, they're still brawling - Taker tosses Lesnar outside - Lesnar throws the ref out of his way and gets back in the ring - right by Lesnar, rights by Taker, Brock hammers a ref, there's more refs in here now, Brock shoves another one, Taker starts heading to the back then gets back in the rings - they exchange kicks - GOOZLE - CHOKESLAM!! Taker looks exhausted, and is using the ropes to hold himself up - now he's lying down as Heyman and three refs direct Brock to the back. Taker's up, and he's not done! He walks right toward Lesnar, and Lesnar's waiting for him - right by Taker, Lesnar, Taker, Lesnar, Taker, knees by Taker, Taker with a right, Taker THROWS LESNAR RIGHT THROUGH THE UNFORGIVEN SIGN!!!!! Taker looks MAD - Cole claims there was no forgiveness, HUGE WW logo and THAT'S IT!!
Well, that last bump was mega-kick-ass and all, but it's the WWE that shall remain Unforgiven for a while for ending the PPV like THAT. That finish would have been ok if I didn't pay $35 to see it. Looks like we remain with the status quo for No Mercy. Shame that the crappy finish will overshadow a show with a lot of good wrestling in it.
But be sure to buy No Mercy, when they really and truly JUST MIGHT resolve their differences once and for all, MAYBE!